YHWH walks with me

My walk with YHWH is  one of many stage on this journey. When I was younger I was very depress and struggle with living in a world that i thought  meant something i guess back in those days i wanted to be a part of the world and not just living in it. The first time I can remember  the Present of YHWH in my life is the first time i tried killing myself, I tried over dosing i didn’t feel wanted or even loved. But in that moment when i had done it i don’t remember  passing out i just remember  feeling like someone had told me they are created me for more and that i was loved from that moment my love of YHWH Grow I look to him for everything in my life. I no longer looked at the world and  those same thoughts. I started to study more and pray and just talk to YHWH in my mind.  Life was still hard for me but i learned to deal with it better because of YHWH.

this was when I was around 13 years old I struggle with depression and still today  i have my ups and down. But The Grace of YHWH allows me to see the storm through and  realize that there is a reward for those who are patience in trials.  I thank God for his love and mercy.  My biggest test came after my broke up  with the love of my life the first guy i ever gave my heart to allow myself to love and be loved. He broke me into a million piece i was back in that place that i have not been in a longtime i wanted to die. But I decided to destroy myself in a since. I talked with YHWH but my communication was much different i ask YHWH to allow me to walk in darkness.  So for those years I fall deep down in the whole i was doing things i never had done I lost my virginity to a stranger and most the guys after that where stranger.  Then one day the light started to shine and I realized what i had done but the great lesson for me was i learn my faith was not as strong as i had thought it was and i allowed someone else to have more control of me then i had of myself.  I began prayer and asking to be delivered of the sins i had committed. So I am glad to say that it’s been almost 3 years since I have engaged in sex and maybe 3-6 months since any other form of sexual activity.

Today I have decided my life to be a servant to YHWH and studying his word and living a blameless and holy life. I make mistake and i still struggle with somethings  but I am always aware of the journey.  I don’t make things right because am doing it what YHWH say is wrong is wrong. Those things I will repent for. My walk with YHWH is one I teasure so much because as i look back i realized that he was always there even when i wasn’t listen.

In starting to make change in my life I have come to this decision I am women who love YHWH and my way of showing it is to be humble and submissive. I don’t wear pants other then to the gym. I wear a headcovering most the time but especial when am in church or studying the word and praying. I follow a dietary law I am a keeper of the shabbath day.  The Laws of YHWH.  I believe in the old and new testament.

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